Posted on: February 15, 2008 8:54 am
Edited on: February 15, 2008 9:10 am

Things I'd like to misremember

Roger Clemens has made the word misremember infamously cool. And, as such, I would like to work it into my daily lexicon whenever possible.

In fact, I can think of several moments in my life in which I would most enjoy misremembering. Most of these moments likely occurred in high school and college, and involved some degree of intoxication. But the first time I met Sal Bando, I made a complete fool out of myself and I was completely sober. I mean, it's Sal Bando! It's not as if it were Cecil Cooper, Robin Yount, Gorman Thomas or Paul Molitor.

The story goes like this ... I was interning with the Milwaukee Brewers in the Summer of 1995 and I arrive at work one day and I see Bando walking toward me in the office hallway. At the time, Bando was the Brewers' GM, but he was a pretty good player with Oakland during the 1970s. He was at the backend of his career when he played with Milwaukee in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Anyway, I grab his attention and in about a minute's time I attempt to tell Bando how much the 1981 Brewers meant to me.

'I would like to thank you for that season, Mr. Bando,' I said. 'I was 9 years old at the time and it was great to experience a postseason. Granted, Mr. Bando, it was a strike-shortened season, and you were a bit player and injured a lot, and Milwaukee lost to the Yankees in the playoffs, but it meant an awful lot to me ...' Blah, blah, blah!

I guess when I get nervous I try to fit an hour's worth of conversation into a minute and this could not have been more true in this particular instance. Meanwhile, he doesn't say one word to me. He takes in my ramblings, smiles, and then walks away. It didn't take me but a few seconds to realize that I was a blithering idiot. I felt like Chris Farley in those Saturday Night Live skits in which he nervously interviewed celebrities:

"Mr Bando, rem, rem, rem, remember when Rollie, I mean Rollie Fingers, struck out Detroit's Lou Whitaker on a 1-2 pitch to clinch the pennant for the Brewers in '81? ... Do you remember that? ... Yeah, that was so awesome!"

Anyway, that's a moment I'd most like to misremember. I sure I'm not the only one who has rambled on like this in a moment of pure fright.

Posted on: February 14, 2008 10:44 pm
Edited on: February 15, 2008 12:05 am

To remember or misremember...that is the question

I've been hearing Earmark a lot lately in political debates and discussions, and it sounds like a pretty important word. An Earmark is not as exciting of a word, I presume, as misremember, which is a word I hadn't heard until Roger Clemens spoke it a few days ago. I suspect, however, that the word Earmark could play a very important role in this year's political race, which is why I feel a certain urgency to understand its meaning.

All I can say is that I hope that I do eventually remember to not misremember what an Earmark is, because that would be bad. But then again, how can one misremember what an Earmark is if one hasn't even remembered what it was in the first place? That's the question I pose to you.

And speaking of misremembering, I would venture to say that it can be applied to all demographics, but even moreso to our older generation. A guy like Andy Pettitte can rest assurred that he's not the only one misremembering things these days. 

For instance, my dearly departed Grandpa, Otto Johan Henry Bromberg, most likely misremembered some things in his elder years. But his ability to misremember (or inability to remember) was simply a product of his age (He lived 87 years), and it was, in my opinion, nothing to be ashamed of.

My dad, Robert James Bromberg, confided to me that he's starting to misremember some things, but I have assured him that his mind is still very sharp, even though he's in his mid 70s.

Me? Why I'm in my mid 30s and I'm misremembering things all of the time. For instance, I left my car running for four hours at work the other day. True story ... I left the key in the ignition upon returning from lunch and burnt a quarter of a tank of gasoline in the process. I simply misremembered to turn the engine off. But, I assure you that there was a time when I was a very good rememberer. I think the older I get, the more I become a misrememberer.

Sorry ... I misremembered what the point of all of this was.

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